We are on the brink of my absolute favorite time of year. Having lived in East Tennessee for all 21 of my years, I can honestly say that I never get tired of fall in these mountains. I could spend hours describing my favorite sights, sounds, and smells (pumpkin, pumpkin, and…um…pumpkin), but let’s be honest, you would have to experience it yourself to really appreciate the beauty of it all. But this fall is a little bit different for me. For me this is a fall of lasts.
My last football games as a University of Tennessee student.
Last fall in my undergraduate career.
Potentially my last fall in Knoxville (who knows where I’ll end up come May).
It’s also a fall of firsts.
First fall in 2 years spent without one particular significant individual in my life.
First fall spent combing through job postings.
First fall looking into graduate programs.
Mostly, this is my first fall realizing that I do not have any idea what the next fall will hold.
If you know me, you know I’m a planner. If we have a dinner date scheduled, I want to know when and where we are going, how we’re getting there, what I’m going to order, and I want to know a week in advance (okay, that’s a bit of a stretch but you get the idea). And up until this point in my life, up until this new season the Lord has placed me in, I have always had a plan. Now obviously I haven’t known every single detail, but I’ve had a general idea of what my next steps looked like and in what direction I was headed.
When I was in middle school, I knew I was moving on to high school.
From high school to college.
From freshman year, to sophomore, to junior, to senior, to…..
Oh. Wait. No clue.
Do I have an idea of where I want to be and how I want to get there? Yeah, sure. Vaguely. Am I scared? Yes. Terrified. Am I trusting God with my lack of a plan? With my unknown? Well. Here’s the thing….
But it is so much harder than it sounds.
I wish I was going through this situation with the attitude of Abraham. In Genesis 22, God speaks to Abraham and essentially says, “Hey Abraham. I’m gonna need you to kill your son. Yeah, Isaac, you’re only son. Do it tomorrow, I’ll show you where.” (Genesis 22:1-2, Sarah-phrased) And from what we see in scripture, Abraham essentially says, “Okay.”
He didn’t ask why. He didn’t ask for more details. He didn’t ask to put it off. He didn’t ask for God’s reasoning behind His request. He just obeyed.
He obeyed an order that (had God not intervened//see rest of chapter 22) would have ended the life of his own son.
Call me crazy, but if Abraham can trust God with a situation like that—if he could trust the Lord enough to be willing to place his own child on an altar meant for a sacrifice—I should be able to trust God with the next 7 months of my life.
So in this season I’m in—though I want to call it a season of trial, of wandering, of uncertainty, anxiety, and stress—I’m going to make it a season of trust. A season of leaning into Him, His Word, His love, and His plan. Because though times of uncertainty rack us with doubt and hopelessness, His Word restores clarity and proves His faithfulness.
Lord, make me an Abraham.